LAKEHURST, NJ — A man who spooked his friend by pulling out his own teeth with a pair of pliers was arrested Sunday after he allegedly broke several items in her apartment when she called police.

Darrel Vandervort, 49, was charged with criminal mischief and resisting arrest after officers responded to the Pine Street apartment of a female friend of his, Sgt. Ronald Heinzman said.

Vandervort allegedly sprayed blood inside the apartment while removing his own teeth, Heinzman said, and the woman – whose name was not released – called police. Officer Jeffery Emmons charged Vandervort, of Lakehurst, after he allegedly broke multiple items inside the apartment, Heinzman said.

He was lodged at Ocean County Jail in lieu of $2,500 bail with no 10 percent payment option. Sgt. Gary Lowe assisted Emmons in making the arrest.

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Japanese speed-eating legend Takeru Kobayashi defeated his arch-rival and reigning champ Joey Chestnut to reclaim the world hamburger eating title today at the Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship in Chattanooga, Tenn. The 31-year-old from Japan earned a score of 93 Krystal hamburgers in eight minutes, setting a world record under a new no-dunking rule established by The Krystal Company. Chestnut, of San Jose, Calif., finished second with 81.

Kobayashi champion again. Dethrones Joey Chestnut for Burger Eating Champion!

Kobayashi’s victory over Chestnut today before a live televised audience and a crowd of more than 10,000 puts him back on top of the sport he brought into the American mainstream more than eight years ago, only to see his star fall the past three years following several high-profile losses, including a loss to Chestnut at last year’s championship in Chattanooga.

“We knew today’s Krystal Square Off championship was going to be a battle for the ages with Kobayashi hoping to reclaim his glory and Chestnut defending his two-year reign as champ, and both eaters did not disappoint,” said Brad Wahl, vice president of marketing, The Krystal Company. “Kobayashi’s commanding win over Chestnut proved once again why he is the sport’s biggest star.”

“Kobayashi came into Chattanooga needing a win. He got it and then some,” said Richard Shea, president of Major League Eating, the governing body of all stomach-centric sports. “The 12 Krystal margin revives his rivalry with Joey Chestnut and caps what was a great Krystal Square Off season. At the end, Kobayashi seemed to hit his head on the ceiling of his own self worth; lucky for him the faux hawk provided cushion.”

Presented by The Krystal Company, the Krystal Square Off is the only world hamburger eating championship sanctioned by Major League Eating.

Kobayashi has now won the Krystal Square Off four of its six years. He pockets $20,000 for the victory, along with the coveted Krystal Square Off Champion’s Belt and Trophy made out of crystal. Chestnut earns $10,00 for his second place finish. Patrick Bertoletti, who finished third with 76, takes away $5,000. The remaining finalists receive payouts ranging from $3,000 to $500. The $50,000 total cash purse is the largest in competitive eating.

The Krystal Square Off introduced new rules this year that forced competitors to change their strategies. First, eaters were no longer allowed to dunk their hamburgers in liquid in an effort to eliminate “detritus” during the competition. Also new this year, every eater was given five Big Angus Burgers at the start of the competition in addition to their tray of Krystal hamburgers. Each Big Angus Burger consumed added five hamburgers to an eater’s total count.

The official results are as follows:

• Takeru Kobayashi, Tokyo, Japan – 93 (68 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers*)
• Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, San Jose, Calif. – 81 (56 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, Chicago, Ill. – 76 (51 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• “Humble” Bob Shoudt, Philadelphia, Pa. – 71 (46 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, Alexandria, Va. – 65 (40 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Hall “Hoover” Hunt, Jacksonville, Fla. – 60 (35 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tim “Eater X” Janus, New York, N.Y. – 59 (34 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Erik “The Red” Denmark, Seattle, Wash. – 58 (33 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tim “Gravy” Brown, Chicago, Ill. – 52 (27 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Jim “Buffalo” Reeves – 50 (25 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Eric “Badlands” Booker, Long Island, N.Y. – 47 (22 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tyler Allen, Chattanooga, TN – 8 (8 Krystals, 0 Big Angus Burgers)

* Each Big Angus Burger equals five Krystal hamburgers

Krystal has been hosting eating contests ever since it first opened its doors in 1932. Indeed, Krystal’s second customer, Roy Ward, claimed he could eat twice as many Krystals as French Jenkins, the chain’s first customer. He did just that by eating 12 Krystals, and according to legend invented the famous Krystal Sackful in the process. The years have passed, but Krystal Lovers have never stopped challenging each other to Krystal Eating Contests. This longstanding tradition became official in 2004 with the first Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship.

Story from: Krystal Sqare-off Official Website

Sheriff: Kobayashi is a God in the competitive eating world! Still, nobody can understand how that little skinny dude can do it. Freak of nature!! Also to knock down that many “fake Belly bombs” – I would not want to be anywhere near for the next few days! See our story here on Stupid Patrol on the Burrito Eating champ – who finished 4th in this competition.

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New York, NY

Add this one to the presidential collection: the heart-shaped potato. 

By the time Barack Obama came on stage to the taping of the “Late Show” on Monday, host David Letterman had offered up 10 reasons why in the world the president had agreed to do it. 

Among Letterman’s theories: Obama said yes without thinking about it, or as Letterman put it, “Like Bush did with Iraq.” 

But Obama had other ideas. It turns out he was listening when Letterman had bantered with a woman in the audience who brought — yes — a potato in the shape of a heart to the show. 

Obama told Letterman: “The main reason I’m here? I want to see that heart-shaped potato.” 

The woman tossed the potato to Letterman.

 She agreed to let Obama keep it. Said the president: “This is remarkable.” 

Actually, the Top 10 list was edited out of the broadcast, but it was available on the CBS Web site. A spokesman said the length of the Obama interview caused the edit.

 Obama also had his most irreverent answer yet on the question of whether some of the vitriolic reaction to his health care plan is driven at least partly by racism.

 ”First of all, I think it’s important to realize that I was actually black before the election,” Obama said to huge laughs from Letterman and the audience.

 Responded Letterman: “How long have you been a black man?”

Letterman covered a number of topics with Obama — many of them serious — in a taping that ran about 40 minutes. The show will be broadcast on CBS on Monday evening.

On the economy, Obama offered a sober prediction as the country deals with 9.7 percent unemployment, the worst level since 1983. He said he expects unemployment will be a “big problem” for at least another year. But he also said the economy will rebound even stronger.

As for the war in Afghanistan, Obama said he knows some people want him to bring troops home, and others are calling for him to increase U.S. force levels to combat the insurgency. The top U.S. commander there is warning the war could be lost without more troops.

Obama said he won’t make a decision on sending in more troops, though, until he completes a comprehensive review of the war effort and settles on his next strategy.

“I’m going to be asking some very hard questions,” Obama said.

Obama’s visit made him the first sitting president to appear on Letterman’s program. He had been on Letterman’s show five times before, though, most recently in September 2008.

The White House said it was a good way for him to reach yet another audience as Obama wraps up a blitz of TV appearances, trying mainly to build support for his health care plan.

As president, Obama also went on NBC’s “Tonight” show when it was hosted by Jay Leno.

After the taping, the president returned to his midtown Manhattan hotel and quietly emerged a while later in gym clothes and a baseball cap. His destination: the church across the street for some basketball with his aides.

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BANDERA, Texas — Be careful who you say “Boo!” to. 

A Bandera County jailer was seriously wounded over the weekend, the result of a misplaced game of hide-and-seek. Thinking he was going to pull a prank on two dispatchers on duty by hiding in a dark room at the Jail & Justice Center and scaring them, Daniel Spengler instead startled Sheriff’s Deputy A.J. Griffin, and ended up shot.

According to Sheriff Weldon Tucker, the incident took place between 4 and 4:30 a.m. Sunday morning. He said he was notified one hour later, and the county judge became aware of the shooting at 3 p.m. that same day.

Tucker said that the dispatchers, all female, had been hearing strange noises outside and in the administrative area of the building since moving into the new facility about two weeks ago. On the night of the accident, a dispatcher heard rattling noises outside of her door. She said she knew that Spengler was coming to the office, but did not know when. Not knowing whether the sounds were Spengler or related to construction still going on, she looked into the corridor and saw nothing. When she heard the rattling noises again, she asked Griffin to investigate.

Tucker said Griffin went into properly trained search mode and drew his weapon, though he failed to keep his gun in front of him and had it at his side. He said the first room inspected was empty; the second appeared to be empty, but it was dark and difficult to see. Tucker said that Spengler was hiding behind something, then jumped out making a growling noise. Startled, Spengler jumped back and discharged his firearm, shooting the jailer in the right leg. Tucker could not confirm if Griffin was using a flashlight.

Spengler was hit once with a .357 magnum hollow point. The bullet reportedly went straight through his femur bone; investigators have found the bullet and casing.

Tucker said that Griffin, who has been a deputy with the SO for two years, instantly realized that he had shot his friend. He laid down his weapon and went to render aid. Pulling the jailer’s belt off, Griffin fastened it as a tourniquet around Spengler’s thigh. Spengler was air lifted to Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio, where he had immediate surgery.

 According to Chief Deputy Don Berger, Spengler will likely have to have more surgery, however his injury is not life threatening. Both men are on paid administrative leave.

Berger said that, in general, a deputy does not shoot his gun unless he feels as though his life or the life of another is in danger.

“He had the gun to his side. He did not have it pointed at the guy,” Berger said. “When [Spengler] jumped out, [Griffin] jerked back and the trigger touched off. It was just an accident.”

As standard procedure, Texas Ranger James Scoggins will perform an independent investigation and present it to the grand jury. Tucker is pushing to have the investigation prepared for the Sept. 28 grand jury for a quick resolution.

 Griffin will remain on administrative leave until the investigation is complete. Tucker did not know, however, whether Spengler, a certified jailer who has been with the SO for one-and-a-half years, would be entitled to coverage from Worker’s Compensation because playing a prank “is not part of his job description.”

No disciplinary action is being considered at this time.

Tucker said that counseling is being offered to anyone who was involved in the incident, and all deputies and jailers will attend refresher courses in building clearances, use of force, and horseplay in a work environment. Tucker also said that, as a result of Sunday morning’s accident, all lights in the Jail & Justice Center will remain on at night.

“We need to stop this. It’s an embarrassment to the SO and the county,” Tucker said. “It’s a very unfortunate incident. You hope and pray things like this do not happen.”

Of the county’s 18 jailers, about half were certified at the time their employment with the county began. The others have one year to complete their certification training. Spengler’s father Richard, also a jailer, was on duty at the time of the incident.

Sheriff: That’ll teach to say Boo in a dark room in Texas dumbass! You have officially been found guilty of STUPIDITY!

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What did he just say???

Sheriff: It is a beautiful sunny day here in NYC, one that I wish I was out at the ballfield. Not too many of these left this year, so for a little fun today I have gathered a bunch of celebrity quotes. Mainly from Athletes, some from other celebs about athletes. Check em out and Enjoy. Know of any others? Add them in the comments – make us all laugh a little at the common stupidity!

“I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.” – soccer star David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile” player. 

Sorry, I don’t know much about you. I don’t follow tennis.” – Christina Aguilera to Tiger Woods, after he told her he loved her music. 

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. 

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks. 

“Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager or Yogi Berra (Sheriff: depending on who you believe. I Think it’s classic Yogi personally!)  

Well, I see in the game in Minnesota that Terry Felton has relieved himself on the mound in the second inning. — Fred White, Kansas City Royals sportscaster, reading a wire-service summary that mistakenly showed the same starter and relief pitcher for the Minnesota Twins. 

“One good bit of news for England is that Ian Bothams groin is back to full strength.” — BBC Radio Announcer Eleanor Oldroyd. 

“I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?” – Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike. 

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” – Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf 

“I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?’” – Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner 

“Raise the urinals.” – Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes 

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.” – Reggie Jackson (Sheriff – Classic Reggie. Big head with bat to match!) 

“They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” – Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch. 

“I’m a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” – Baseball player Mike Greenwell  (Sheriff: umm ok. guy/wife…no further comments by me!)

“It’s permanent, for now.” – Cincinnati Red Roberto Kelly, announcing his new name would be “Bobby.” 

“There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’” – Pitcher Joaquin Andujar 

“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.” – Joaquin Andujar 

“He treats us like men.  He lets us wear earrings.” – Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins (Sheriff: hehehehe ok. Real Men wear earrings! I’ll make sure to keep a note of that!) 

“Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.” –  David Thompson 

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.” – New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season 

“I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.” – Muhammad Ali (Sheriff: Ouch! Bring out the Grills!)

 “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.” – Baseball player Mike Cameron 

“The game was closer than the score indicated.” –  Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game 

“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.” – Shaquille O’Neal (Prior to his rings!) 

“I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.” –  Basketball player Sherman Douglas 

“The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.” – Carl Everett 

“Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.” –  Rickey Henderson on reports that 50 percent of ballplayers use steroids. 

“Because there are no fours.” – NBA long-range gunner Antoine Walker when asked why he shoots so many threes. 

“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.”—N.C. State basketball player Charles Shackleford

“I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I’m very intelligent when I speak.” – Shaquille O’Neal 

“Like they say, it ain’t over ’til the fat guy swings.” –  Phillies catcher Darren Daulton on stocky first baseman John Kruk.

“We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.” – Basketball player Weldon Drew

Add yours – lets all get a laugh!

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SHREVEPORT, La. – A man impersonating an officer with a flashing red light in his car has been arrested after he pulled over the wrong driver — the mayor of Shreveport, La., police said.

Police think the suspect was using the in-dash light to maneuver through traffic Monday night in northwest Louisiana.

Shreveport Mayor Cedric Glover said he pulled over when the driver pulled up behind him, but that the man turned around and left as soon as he saw it was the mayor.

Mayor of Shreveport

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no lit matches at this contest PLEASE!

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Professional eater “Humble Bob” Shoudt ate 33 1/2 burritos in 10 minutes, winning the 2009 World Burrito eating championship on Friday before an excited crowd at the New Mexico State Fair. 

Shoudt, of Royersford, Pa., finished just ahead of runner-up Hall “Hoover” Hunt of Jacksonville, Fla., who put down 30 burritos in the International Federation of Competitive Eating-sponsored contest. 

Shoudt, who won $1,500, said he didn’t eat for two days to prepare for the competition. Competitors ate 4-ounce burritos, filled with beef, beans and green chile – each weighing about a quarter of a pound. 

The 15 competitors paced during a brief delay as organizers made room to fit everyone on a stage. Plates stacked with four burritos were placed at each chair along with several plastic water bottles. 

Once the timer’s stopwatch was set, Spanish music started playing on a loudspeaker and the eaters chowed down. 

They frantically shoved burritos into their mouths, cheeks puffed like chipmunks, as a crowd of about 250 people roared with laughter and cheers. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life,” said Dolores Lucero, 53, of Albuquerque, who watched the spectacle with her three young grandchildren. “When they really picked it up, and you could see the liquid and food dripping out of their mouths, that was pretty disgusting.” 

Lucy Jojola, a 70-year-old retired school employee, served as a volunteer judge and had a place to stand on stage. Her job was to make sure the eaters followed rules, but she couldn’t hold back her enthusiasm. 

“I would pat them on their backs and say, ‘Come on! One more! One more! I know you can do it,” she said. 

The 300 burritos were provided by Albuquerque restaurant Garcia’s Kitchen. Co-owner Steve Garcia showed his spirit by wearing an oversized burrito-shaped hat. 

Yes, there really is an International Federation of Competitive Eating. This was the 14th contest on the Major League Eating Circuit in September alone. 

Next up? Hunt and Shoudt planned to fly out Friday night to compete in a grits eating contest in Louisiana. Major League Eating’s top-ranked eater is Joey Chestnut, and the 42-year-old Shoudt recently defeated the world champion at a chili spaghetti eating contest.

Shoudt also has eaten 35 beef brisket sandwiches in 10 minutes and 39 hamburgers in two minutes in past contests.

Many competitors at the New Mexico stop were locals from Albuquerque but others came from California, Missouri and Wisconsin. 

“I try to get into a groove early on, but I didn’t get off to as fast of a start today as I would have liked,” Shoudt said. “But I kept pace and that’s the most important thing. The local guys really pushed me, and I like being pushed.” 

Shoudt said he wasn’t expecting the New Mexico green chile inside the burritos to be so spicy. 

“I don’t eat peppers and they were rough on me today,” he said.

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New York, NY – (NYPOST)

There was nothing artful about this crime.

A Brooklyn couple was busted trying to sell a painting stolen off the wall of a Manhattan museum to an undercover cop, authorities said.

Denis Ryjenko, 35, and his girlfriend, Natella Croussouloudis, 42, were arrested Sept. 3 as they tried to unload a small masterpiece, “Himalayas,” by the prolific early 20th-century Russian artist Nicholas Roerich. One of them even told the “buyer” the painting was hot and warned him not to hang it on his gallery wall. The $125,000 painting had disappeared along with a second work by Roerich on June 24.

The second piece — titled “Talung Monastery” and worth $70,000 — was mysteriously returned by mail to the Nicholas Roerich Museum on West 107th Street on Aug. 14. But investigators caught wind that the couple had “Himalayas” when an informant told them the pair had been showing it off in their Midwood apartment, saying they were hoping to sell it for $40,000.

The informant told the couple he would help introduce them to a buyer, who was actually an undercover officer posing as an art collector. 

On Sept. 3, Ryjenko and Croussouloudis — carrying the painting in a blue paper shopping bag — traveled to a Lower East Side Starbucks to meet with the detective, police said. While Ryjenko waited outside, Croussouloudis met with the phony collector and asked for $20,000 for the painting. She even warned him that the work of art had been stolen and that he would be unable to freely display it in his gallery, police said. 

The cop then asked her to come with him to his gallery where he would give her the money. As she and Ryjenko walked with him up Allen Street, they were arrested. A law-enforcement source said the couple denied having stolen the painting.

But Ryjenko, who has a long criminal record, pleaded guilty in Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday to criminal possession of stolen property in return for four months in jail.

“I knew it was stolen,” he told Judge Anthony Ferrara. “I didn’t know if it was real or not.”

Croussouloudis, who is a German national, according to Correction Department records, waived her appearance and was held on $20,000 bail.

The landlord of the building where the two had been living said they owed $7,500 back rent and had recently had their power and gas shut off for failure to pay their bills.

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A PERVERT who gets sexual thrills from manure was jailed after being caught pleasuring himself in a muck-spreader.

Weird David Truscott, 40, broke into a farm and covered himself in animal waste.

Arrested in England for 'playing' in manure!

He then climbed into the spreader vehicle – and was found wearing rubber gloves and playing in the slurry for “sexual reasons”. Truscott, of Camborne, Cornwall, was jailed for 16 weeks after admitting harassment.

Truro Magistrates’ Court heard he was convicted of a previous offence at the same farm in Camborne in 2004.

At that time, the farmer came across a trough filled with dung and tissues scattered around. He then saw two hand prints and a “bottom print” where manure had been. Police who searched Truscott’s home found 360 pairs of women’s knickers and containers of liquid sludge and hard mud.

He was jailed for three years for burglary and arson after causing a blaze at the farm which killed a cow when he couldn’t find manure to pleasure himself in.

He would walk into the farm to roll in manure and perform sex acts on himself before washing in a cattle trough. Once he entered a milking parlour to use a roll of industrial toilet tissue. He had stripped to his pants and climbed into a manure vat.

Police caught him carrying a bag full of underwear, women’s trousers and firelighters. The farmer’s wife and two children said they were “terrified”.

The 2004 blaze caused damage costing £3,300. His lawyers said he was a “sad, isolated, peculiar man with peculiar habits” who “needed help”.

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“I had to get us out of this,” the elderly man said Friday from the other side of the glass at San Diego central jail. “I’ve never done a bad thing in my life. But when you get desperate, I guess you throw all that sh– out the window.” 

Attempted to rob bank, to pay mortgage.

Listening to how Michael Casey Wilson of Santee tells it, a 17 percent mortgage, the threat of homelessness and a terminal health condition will turn a man to crime. 

Wilson, 69, is accused of walking into the Bank of America branch in the 4100 block of El Cajon Boulevard in City Heights and handing a bank manager a demand note, saying he had a bomb. Prosecutors said he made off with $107,000 before he was caught lying on a front porch near the bank. 

“I wrote them an apology. I am so sorry,” he said referring to the employees who rushed out of the bank. “It’s not my purpose in life to scare people.” 

“If it would’ve worked the way I wanted it to, it would’ve just been he and I. But he told everybody. He shouldn’t have done that,” Wilson said.

On Thursday he pleaded not guilty to three counts of robbery and one count of falsely reporting a bomb to a business. In an interview Friday, Wilson was very open about the plan he had hatched to save his home.

“I was hoping to get $50,000 to pay off my mortgage,” he said. “Just to get the money and get the hell out of there.”

Wilson said he had planned to hail a taxi and drive with the bank manager to the airport. Once the manager was gone, Wilson said he had hoped to pick up another taxi to take him to his home in Santee. But he said he never thought the bank manager “had the balls to call the police.”

“I saw all of a sudden all the people rushing out and I knew I was had,” he said. “I knew that he had called me in. C’est la vie.”

Wilson said he lives with his 73-year old wife who he described as a “gentle soul.” He said he feared for her future living on the streets if he couldn’t make their house payment.

Looking at Wilson, you can see his health is suffering. He claims doctors have diagnosed him with severe arthritis, sleep apnea, heart problems, and a disease he described as one “that makes you fly off the handle.” Wilson said he was told he had one to two years to live.

When he hatched the bank robbery plan, he said that he had considered the consequences but thought, “It was 50-50. Well if I get caught, I get caught. I’m dying anyway so what different does it make.”

Wilson could face more than seven years in prison if he is convicted. His bail was set at $50,000.

“I’m an asshole. Let’s face it,” he said. “Here’s a man who f–ked up his life and his family’s life but I did it with good intentions. Just stupid intentions.”

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