In this special series on the Stupid Patrol we are bringing you the truly stupid laws that exist in the USA, and around the world.

We hope you knowing these stupid and relatively unknown laws will give you a laugh, keep you informed on the idiocy that can be law, and help keep you out of jail – for being Stupid.

As they say “ignorance of the law is no excuse” and as we say stupidity must be a real good excuse!

Today we discover – Louisiana

• “Fake” wrestling matches are prohibited.

Full text of the Law

RS 4:75

75. Sham or fake contests or exhibitions

Whoever conducts or is a party to any sham or fake boxing contest or wrestling exhibition shall forfeit his license and shall not thereafter be entitled to receive any license pursuant to the provisions of this chapter.

Acts 1974, No. 553, 1.

• Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants.

Full text of the Law

RS 4:81

81. Open betting or quoting of odds; insulting or abusive remarks

There shall be no open betting or quoting of odds in the club or arena where the exhibition or contest is being held. Whoever does so shall be ejected.

There shall be no insulting or abusive remarks made by seconds, managers, or spectators and directed at the contestants. The officers of the club, and the secretary of the commission, shall at once eject persons who violate this or any other provision of this chapter.

Acts 1974, No. 553, 1.

• One could possibly land in jail for 20 years upon urinating in the city’s water supply.

Full text of the Law RS 14:58

58. Contaminating water supplies

Contaminating water supplies is the intentional performance of any act tending to contaminate any private or public water supply.

Whoever commits the crime of contaminating water supplies, when the act foreseeably endangers the life or health of human beings, shall be fined not more than one thousand dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than twenty years, or both.

Whoever commits the crime of contaminating water supplies, when the act does not foreseeably endanger the life or health of human beings, shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than five years, or both.

A law was passed with the specific intent of stating the punishment for stealing crawfish.

Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.

• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.

Full Text of the Law

RS 14:68.6

68.6. Unauthorized ordering of goods or services

A. It is unlawful for any person to intentionally place an order for any goods or services to be supplied or delivered to another person when all of the following circumstances apply:

(1) The person receiving the goods or services has not previously authorized such an order, does not reside with the person who placed the order, and the goods or services are not being given as a gift to that person.

(2) The person receiving the goods or services is required to pay for such goods or services, either in advance or upon delivery and has not previously agreed to do so, or is required to return the items to the sender at his expense.

(3) The person placing the order for goods or services intends to harass or annoy the person receiving such goods or services.

B. Receipt and use of an item described in this Section by the receiver shall constitute an affirmative defense to prosecution under this Section.

C. If the person who places the order for the goods or services is told by the customer who receives the goods or services that the customer did not desire the goods or services, the customer is released from any obligation to pay for such goods or services and the providing person shall not be liable under this Section.

D. Whoever violates Subsection A shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.

E. In addition to any other sentence imposed under this Section, the sentencing court, in its discretion, may require the offender to make restitution to the victim for any loss to the victim caused by the offense.

Acts 1999, No. 1060, 1.

• Running an abortion advertisement can land you in jail for a year.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.
• It is illegal to gargle in public places.
• It is illegal to shoot lasers at police officers.
• One may not “dare” another to go onto railroad tracks owned by another.
• It is illegal to steal a “movable” even if it classified as an “immovable”.
• Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
• One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise.
• Every time a person is seriously burned, he must report the injury to the fire marshal.
• Prisoners who hurt themselves could serve an additional two years in jail.

Full text of the Law

RS 14:404

Self-mutilation by a prisoner

A. Self-mutilation by a prisoner is the intentional infliction of injuries to himself by a prisoner incarcerated in any state penitentiary or any local penal or correctional institution or while in the lawful custody of a peace officer, or the procuring or permitting of another person to inflict injury on such prisoner by means of shooting, stabbing, cutting, applying chemicals or other substances to the body, drinking or eating poisonous or toxic substances, or in any manner, when such results in permanent or temporary injury.

B. Whoever commits the crime of self-mutilation by a prisoner shall be imprisoned at hard labor for a term not exceeding two years. Any sentence imposed under this Section shall run consecutively to any other sentence being served by the offender at the time of the offense.

Added by Acts 1966, No. 85, 1. Amended by Acts 1977, No. 456, 1; Acts 1997, No. 179, 1.

Sheriff: know any stupid laws that I missed from your state? Let me know – expose stupidity for what it is – STUPID!

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Daily Stupid Joke – October 2, 2009

Sheriff: Happy Friday – really, TGIF not S.H.I.T.  – Getting closer to halloween – dont forget to stop by stupid discounts to find the best discounts on everything you need, including costumes and more for your trick-or-treat or halloween party.

Today Stupid Patrol hopes to give you with a few short “And then the fight started” jokes – or stories as they are. Some I am not too clear on as far as why it would start a fight (A toothbrush would work!) but my wife didn’t seem to think it was funny. Jeez I might be smart – but sometimes I just can’t figure women out. Aaaaanyway….here’s hoping you get a good laugh out of it, and remember, don’t forget to remend your friends, enemies, families – everybody visit the Stupid Patrol daily.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

**************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her new bath scales.

And then the fight started…

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….

so, I took her to a gas station…

And then the fight started….

**************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady, swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

**************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…

**************

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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LAKEHURST, NJ — A man who spooked his friend by pulling out his own teeth with a pair of pliers was arrested Sunday after he allegedly broke several items in her apartment when she called police.

Darrel Vandervort, 49, was charged with criminal mischief and resisting arrest after officers responded to the Pine Street apartment of a female friend of his, Sgt. Ronald Heinzman said.

Vandervort allegedly sprayed blood inside the apartment while removing his own teeth, Heinzman said, and the woman – whose name was not released – called police. Officer Jeffery Emmons charged Vandervort, of Lakehurst, after he allegedly broke multiple items inside the apartment, Heinzman said.

He was lodged at Ocean County Jail in lieu of $2,500 bail with no 10 percent payment option. Sgt. Gary Lowe assisted Emmons in making the arrest.

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Japanese speed-eating legend Takeru Kobayashi defeated his arch-rival and reigning champ Joey Chestnut to reclaim the world hamburger eating title today at the Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship in Chattanooga, Tenn. The 31-year-old from Japan earned a score of 93 Krystal hamburgers in eight minutes, setting a world record under a new no-dunking rule established by The Krystal Company. Chestnut, of San Jose, Calif., finished second with 81.

Kobayashi champion again. Dethrones Joey Chestnut for Burger Eating Champion!

Kobayashi’s victory over Chestnut today before a live televised audience and a crowd of more than 10,000 puts him back on top of the sport he brought into the American mainstream more than eight years ago, only to see his star fall the past three years following several high-profile losses, including a loss to Chestnut at last year’s championship in Chattanooga.

“We knew today’s Krystal Square Off championship was going to be a battle for the ages with Kobayashi hoping to reclaim his glory and Chestnut defending his two-year reign as champ, and both eaters did not disappoint,” said Brad Wahl, vice president of marketing, The Krystal Company. “Kobayashi’s commanding win over Chestnut proved once again why he is the sport’s biggest star.”

“Kobayashi came into Chattanooga needing a win. He got it and then some,” said Richard Shea, president of Major League Eating, the governing body of all stomach-centric sports. “The 12 Krystal margin revives his rivalry with Joey Chestnut and caps what was a great Krystal Square Off season. At the end, Kobayashi seemed to hit his head on the ceiling of his own self worth; lucky for him the faux hawk provided cushion.”

Presented by The Krystal Company, the Krystal Square Off is the only world hamburger eating championship sanctioned by Major League Eating.

Kobayashi has now won the Krystal Square Off four of its six years. He pockets $20,000 for the victory, along with the coveted Krystal Square Off Champion’s Belt and Trophy made out of crystal. Chestnut earns $10,00 for his second place finish. Patrick Bertoletti, who finished third with 76, takes away $5,000. The remaining finalists receive payouts ranging from $3,000 to $500. The $50,000 total cash purse is the largest in competitive eating.

The Krystal Square Off introduced new rules this year that forced competitors to change their strategies. First, eaters were no longer allowed to dunk their hamburgers in liquid in an effort to eliminate “detritus” during the competition. Also new this year, every eater was given five Big Angus Burgers at the start of the competition in addition to their tray of Krystal hamburgers. Each Big Angus Burger consumed added five hamburgers to an eater’s total count.

The official results are as follows:

• Takeru Kobayashi, Tokyo, Japan – 93 (68 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers*)
• Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, San Jose, Calif. – 81 (56 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, Chicago, Ill. – 76 (51 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• “Humble” Bob Shoudt, Philadelphia, Pa. – 71 (46 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, Alexandria, Va. – 65 (40 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Hall “Hoover” Hunt, Jacksonville, Fla. – 60 (35 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tim “Eater X” Janus, New York, N.Y. – 59 (34 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Erik “The Red” Denmark, Seattle, Wash. – 58 (33 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tim “Gravy” Brown, Chicago, Ill. – 52 (27 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Jim “Buffalo” Reeves – 50 (25 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Eric “Badlands” Booker, Long Island, N.Y. – 47 (22 Krystals, 5 Big Angus Burgers)
• Tyler Allen, Chattanooga, TN – 8 (8 Krystals, 0 Big Angus Burgers)

* Each Big Angus Burger equals five Krystal hamburgers

Krystal has been hosting eating contests ever since it first opened its doors in 1932. Indeed, Krystal’s second customer, Roy Ward, claimed he could eat twice as many Krystals as French Jenkins, the chain’s first customer. He did just that by eating 12 Krystals, and according to legend invented the famous Krystal Sackful in the process. The years have passed, but Krystal Lovers have never stopped challenging each other to Krystal Eating Contests. This longstanding tradition became official in 2004 with the first Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship.

Story from: Krystal Sqare-off Official Website

Sheriff: Kobayashi is a God in the competitive eating world! Still, nobody can understand how that little skinny dude can do it. Freak of nature!! Also to knock down that many “fake Belly bombs” – I would not want to be anywhere near for the next few days! See our story here on Stupid Patrol on the Burrito Eating champ – who finished 4th in this competition.

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Daily Stupid Joke – September 26, 2009

Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself  “She’ll never go for me blowing those like that,” so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He ‘putted’ down one hill and ‘putt-putted’ up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, ‘Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!’ She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and ‘rrriiiipppp!’ It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the ‘phone farewells’ (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, ‘Surprise!’

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Submit your stupid jokes! We love reading them, publishing them, and lauging at the stupidity behind them. And we always give credit where credit is due – submit your joke with your link (within reason – no SPAM!) and we will publish the joke and link.

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Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi

NEW YORK, NY – Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi tried to set up a tent in a New York suburb but was blocked by city officials, US media reported.

Gaddafi, who is famous for staying in his large Bedouin tent during foreign visits, was getting the tent erected in the city of Bedford on an estate owned by US billionaire Donald Trump, ABC News reported Tuesday.

But city officials sought to stop its construction, arguing it violates town regulations. It was unclear if the eccentric Libyan leader ever planned to stay in Bedford.

Trump may have unwittingly loaned the estate to Libya. His company in a statement said the property was leased to Middle Eastern partners that “may or may not have a relationship to Gaddafi” and it was looking into the issue.

Gaddafi’s people have previously been barred from erecting the tent in New York’s Central Park and on land in a New Jersey suburb owned by the Libyan embassy.

The ongoing saga has left Libya struggling to find a place for Gaddafi to stay during his visit to New York, where he is set to address the UN General Assembly this week. It is his first visit to the United States since taking power in 1969.

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Philadelphia, PA

A white Philadelphia police officer who came to work with his hair in cornrows was ordered by a superior to get a haircut, even though black colleagues wear the same type of braids. The Philadelphia Daily News reported Monday that Officer Thomas Strain was put on desk duty earlier this month because of the hairstyle.

A police spokesman, Lt. Frank Vanore, said Strain’s boss didn’t feel the braids were “professional.”

Vanore said department policy requires officers to have “clean, properly trimmed and combed hair” that allows them to wear their uniform hat “in a military manner.”

Vanore said Strain was not disciplined, only told to get a haircut.

Strain declined to comment.

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BANDERA, Texas — Be careful who you say “Boo!” to. 

A Bandera County jailer was seriously wounded over the weekend, the result of a misplaced game of hide-and-seek. Thinking he was going to pull a prank on two dispatchers on duty by hiding in a dark room at the Jail & Justice Center and scaring them, Daniel Spengler instead startled Sheriff’s Deputy A.J. Griffin, and ended up shot.

According to Sheriff Weldon Tucker, the incident took place between 4 and 4:30 a.m. Sunday morning. He said he was notified one hour later, and the county judge became aware of the shooting at 3 p.m. that same day.

Tucker said that the dispatchers, all female, had been hearing strange noises outside and in the administrative area of the building since moving into the new facility about two weeks ago. On the night of the accident, a dispatcher heard rattling noises outside of her door. She said she knew that Spengler was coming to the office, but did not know when. Not knowing whether the sounds were Spengler or related to construction still going on, she looked into the corridor and saw nothing. When she heard the rattling noises again, she asked Griffin to investigate.

Tucker said Griffin went into properly trained search mode and drew his weapon, though he failed to keep his gun in front of him and had it at his side. He said the first room inspected was empty; the second appeared to be empty, but it was dark and difficult to see. Tucker said that Spengler was hiding behind something, then jumped out making a growling noise. Startled, Spengler jumped back and discharged his firearm, shooting the jailer in the right leg. Tucker could not confirm if Griffin was using a flashlight.

Spengler was hit once with a .357 magnum hollow point. The bullet reportedly went straight through his femur bone; investigators have found the bullet and casing.

Tucker said that Griffin, who has been a deputy with the SO for two years, instantly realized that he had shot his friend. He laid down his weapon and went to render aid. Pulling the jailer’s belt off, Griffin fastened it as a tourniquet around Spengler’s thigh. Spengler was air lifted to Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio, where he had immediate surgery.

 According to Chief Deputy Don Berger, Spengler will likely have to have more surgery, however his injury is not life threatening. Both men are on paid administrative leave.

Berger said that, in general, a deputy does not shoot his gun unless he feels as though his life or the life of another is in danger.

“He had the gun to his side. He did not have it pointed at the guy,” Berger said. “When [Spengler] jumped out, [Griffin] jerked back and the trigger touched off. It was just an accident.”

As standard procedure, Texas Ranger James Scoggins will perform an independent investigation and present it to the grand jury. Tucker is pushing to have the investigation prepared for the Sept. 28 grand jury for a quick resolution.

 Griffin will remain on administrative leave until the investigation is complete. Tucker did not know, however, whether Spengler, a certified jailer who has been with the SO for one-and-a-half years, would be entitled to coverage from Worker’s Compensation because playing a prank “is not part of his job description.”

No disciplinary action is being considered at this time.

Tucker said that counseling is being offered to anyone who was involved in the incident, and all deputies and jailers will attend refresher courses in building clearances, use of force, and horseplay in a work environment. Tucker also said that, as a result of Sunday morning’s accident, all lights in the Jail & Justice Center will remain on at night.

“We need to stop this. It’s an embarrassment to the SO and the county,” Tucker said. “It’s a very unfortunate incident. You hope and pray things like this do not happen.”

Of the county’s 18 jailers, about half were certified at the time their employment with the county began. The others have one year to complete their certification training. Spengler’s father Richard, also a jailer, was on duty at the time of the incident.

Sheriff: That’ll teach to say Boo in a dark room in Texas dumbass! You have officially been found guilty of STUPIDITY!

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Boris Yeltsin got so drunk during a 1995 visit to Washington that Secret Service agents found him a few hundred feet from the White House clad only in his underwear and trying to hail a cab — because, he explained, he wanted a pizza. 

The encounter and near international incident involving the former Russian President was revealed yesterday in a new oral history of Bill Clinton’s presidency, based on 79 taped interviews between Mr Clinton and the historian Taylor Branch during late-night visits to the White House. 

The taped conversations took place between 1993 and 2001 — the year Mr Clinton left office — and were the former President’s idea, because he wanted an intimate, behind-the-scenes perspective on his White House years as they were happening.

Mr Clinton also confided that his affair with Monica Lewinsky occurred when he felt sorry for himself and that “I cracked; I just cracked” under the pressure of personal and political setbacks, including the death of his mother and the loss of Congress to the Republicans in 1994.

Mr Clinton had at first been reluctant to talk about the Lewinsky affair because he feared that the tapes might be subject to subpoena and exposure and used against him. Yet, according to Mr Branch, in August 1999 — six months after he had survived the Senate impeachment trial — an emotional Mr Clinton opened up.

In an interview with USA Today, Mr Branch said he believed that Mr Clinton “had once strayed more often than that and made a big resolution not to do it in the White House because there was too much at stake”. He added: “From his point of view, he succeeded 99 per cent, but then felt sorry for himself and lapsed.”

Mr Branch, who shared a flat with Mr Clinton when they ran George McGovern’s 1972 presidential campaign in Texas, has turned the tapes into a 707-page book, The Clinton Tapes: Wrestling History with the President, to be published next week.

The Yeltsin incident came after one of the former Russian President’s late-night drinking sessions. On the night in question, he was staying at Blair House, the guest quarters for foreign leaders visiting Washington, which sits directly across from the White House in Pennsylvania Avenue.

He managed to give his Secret Service detail the slip. Frantically looking for him, they found him in his underwear on Pennsylvania Avenue trying to get a taxi. He explained in slurred words that he wanted a pizza.

Mr Clinton recorded all his conversations with Mr Branch and kept the tapes hidden in a White House sock drawer. They also reveal a two-hour argument between Mr Clinton and Al Gore after the latter had lost the 2000 election to George W. Bush.

Mr Clinton told Mr Gore that the election could have been won if he had been dispatched to campaign in Arkansas and New Hampshire, states where Mr Clinton was popular.

Mr Gore responded that Mr Clinton’s affair with Ms Lewinsky had been a “drag” that had plagued him throughout the doomed campaign. The two “exploded” at each other in mutual recrimination, according to Mr Branch.

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