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Daily Stupid Joke

The Stupid Patrol Sheriff — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:10:33 +0000

Daily Stupid Joke – September 29, 2009

Sheriff: Happy Tuesday! This factory joke is definitely stupid enough to make you laugh….and maybe make you wonder a little bit about Business!

The Latex Factory

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it’s doing. “As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise.” he says “The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a “hiss.. hiss… hiss-pop” sound during the manufacturing process. “Wait a second,” the future shift manager says, “I know what the hiss, hiss is… but what’s with the ‘pop’ noise every once in a while?”

“Oh, that hehe. It’s the same as the baby bottle nipple process.” says the guide… “It pokes a hole in every third condom.”

“But that can’t be good for the condoms!” the observant shift manager replied.

“Nah, but it’s really good for the baby bottle nipple business!”

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Pennsylvania man wins Burrito eating Contest

The Stupid Patrol Sheriff — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:42:45 +0000

no lit matches at this contest PLEASE!

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Professional eater “Humble Bob” Shoudt ate 33 1/2 burritos in 10 minutes, winning the 2009 World Burrito eating championship on Friday before an excited crowd at the New Mexico State Fair.

Shoudt, of Royersford, Pa., finished just ahead of runner-up Hall “Hoover” Hunt of Jacksonville, Fla., who put down 30 burritos in the International Federation of Competitive Eating-sponsored contest.

Shoudt, who won $1,500, said he didn’t eat for two days to prepare for the competition. Competitors ate 4-ounce burritos, filled with beef, beans and green chile – each weighing about a quarter of a pound.

The 15 competitors paced during a brief delay as organizers made room to fit everyone on a stage. Plates stacked with four burritos were placed at each chair along with several plastic water bottles.

Once the timer’s stopwatch was set, Spanish music started playing on a loudspeaker and the eaters chowed down.

They frantically shoved burritos into their mouths, cheeks puffed like chipmunks, as a crowd of about 250 people roared with laughter and cheers.

“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life,” said Dolores Lucero, 53, of Albuquerque, who watched the spectacle with her three young grandchildren. “When they really picked it up, and you could see the liquid and food dripping out of their mouths, that was pretty disgusting.”

Lucy Jojola, a 70-year-old retired school employee, served as a volunteer judge and had a place to stand on stage. Her job was to make sure the eaters followed rules, but she couldn’t hold back her enthusiasm.

“I would pat them on their backs and say, ‘Come on! One more! One more! I know you can do it,” she said.

The 300 burritos were provided by Albuquerque restaurant Garcia’s Kitchen. Co-owner Steve Garcia showed his spirit by wearing an oversized burrito-shaped hat.

Yes, there really is an International Federation of Competitive Eating. This was the 14th contest on the Major League Eating Circuit in September alone.

Next up? Hunt and Shoudt planned to fly out Friday night to compete in a grits eating contest in Louisiana. Major League Eating’s top-ranked eater is Joey Chestnut, and the 42-year-old Shoudt recently defeated the world champion at a chili spaghetti eating contest.

Shoudt also has eaten 35 beef brisket sandwiches in 10 minutes and 39 hamburgers in two minutes in past contests.

Many competitors at the New Mexico stop were locals from Albuquerque but others came from California, Missouri and Wisconsin.

“I try to get into a groove early on, but I didn’t get off to as fast of a start today as I would have liked,” Shoudt said. “But I kept pace and that’s the most important thing. The local guys really pushed me, and I like being pushed.”

Shoudt said he wasn’t expecting the New Mexico green chile inside the burritos to be so spicy.

“I don’t eat peppers and they were rough on me today,” he said.

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Man+Manure=Sex?

The Stupid Patrol Sheriff — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:07:11 +0000

A PERVERT who gets sexual thrills from manure was jailed after being caught pleasuring himself in a muck-spreader.

Weird David Truscott, 40, broke into a farm and covered himself in animal waste.

Arrested in England for 'playing' in manure!

He then climbed into the spreader vehicle – and was found wearing rubber gloves and playing in the slurry for “sexual reasons”. Truscott, of Camborne, Cornwall, was jailed for 16 weeks after admitting harassment.

Truro Magistrates’ Court heard he was convicted of a previous offence at the same farm in Camborne in 2004.

At that time, the farmer came across a trough filled with dung and tissues scattered around. He then saw two hand prints and a “bottom print” where manure had been. Police who searched Truscott’s home found 360 pairs of women’s knickers and containers of liquid sludge and hard mud.

He was jailed for three years for burglary and arson after causing a blaze at the farm which killed a cow when he couldn’t find manure to pleasure himself in.

He would walk into the farm to roll in manure and perform sex acts on himself before washing in a cattle trough. Once he entered a milking parlour to use a roll of industrial toilet tissue. He had stripped to his pants and climbed into a manure vat.

Police caught him carrying a bag full of underwear, women’s trousers and firelighters. The farmer’s wife and two children said they were “terrified”.

The 2004 blaze caused damage costing £3,300. His lawyers said he was a “sad, isolated, peculiar man with peculiar habits” who “needed help”.

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