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Sheriff: Enjoy. We are currently working on extensive development of new sections of the Stupid Patrol. Check back often to see the changes – including a New Stupid Jokes area, a stupid video’s section and a Stupid Games area.

First Class Blondie

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to LA.”

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

 Again, the blonde replies, “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to LA.

“The captain doesn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot.

The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde’s ear.

She immediately gets up, says, “Thank you so much,” hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, “I just told her that the first class section isn’t going to LA.”

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Sheriff: Tuesday – another good day for a stupid Tampon Joke enjoy the laugh, here is

Tampons! That’ll be fun!

A couple of older bums are relaxing on a park bench, bored out of their minds. They’re not the brightest of crayons, but are known to be pretty resourceful – especially when bored.

So one of them says to the other, “What are we gonna do today?”

The other replies, “Well, how much money have you got?”

They both rummage through their pockets, emptying several days worth of lint and toothpics, managing to put together about four dollars and some change.

The first one says, “We can’t do much with 4 bucks. Maybe we should just go home?”

The other, excited, replies, “Nah! Let’s go buy a box of tampons!”

“Tampons? What are we gonna do with tampons?”

“Haven’t you seen those TV commercials? With tampons we can run, and hike and swim, even go dancing. We need some tampons!”

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Sheriff: So here comes Monday, yeah I know, I know…don’t wanna go to work, school, where ever. Too Bad. But hey, go with a laugh, here is –

High Tech Ladies Room

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked WW, WA, PP and ATR.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him. He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom.

He thought “Wow” these gals really have it nice!!

So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably. “Aha” he thought, “no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!”

So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc. “Man, this is great,” he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off…confused he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened. He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, “Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button.”

Submit your stupid jokes! We love reading them, publishing them, and lauging at the stupidity behind them. And we always give credit where credit is due – submit your joke with your link (within reason – no SPAM!) and we will publish the joke and link!

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Sheriff: Sunday, Sunday. Easy Breezy take it easy. Some people take the day to have a few beers, watch a game and relax. Some people take the day as a “family day” – head out to church, then IHOP or Denny’s. Others use it for things that they might not get to normally. Some – well, just use it the same as they do any other day that ends in  a “Y” – time for Stupidity. I hope you enjoy this stupid joke about the Sky-diving Redneck, it sure made me laugh thinking about the outright stupidity!

Sky Diving Redneck

A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.

The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, “So you wanna race, eh?”

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REMEMBER  – Getting closer to halloween – dont forget to stop by stupid discounts to find the best discounts on everything you need, including costumes and more for your trick-or-treat or halloween party.

Today we have for you a funny, a stupid stupid joke called “Third Grade”

On little Larry’s first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in third grade!’

The teacher looked at little Larry’s records and told him to please take his seat.

Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in the third grade!’

Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry’s problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions… ‘What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?’ asked the teacher.

‘Legs!’ Larry immediately replied. “What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn’t?’ asked the teacher.

‘Pockets!’ said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, ‘Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!’

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We hope you knowing these stupid and relatively unknown laws will give you a laugh, keep you informed on the idiocy that can be law, and help keep you out of jail – for being Stupid.

As they say “ignorance of the law is no excuse” and as we say stupidity must be a real good excuse!

Today we discover – Louisiana

• “Fake” wrestling matches are prohibited.

Full text of the Law

RS 4:75

75. Sham or fake contests or exhibitions

Whoever conducts or is a party to any sham or fake boxing contest or wrestling exhibition shall forfeit his license and shall not thereafter be entitled to receive any license pursuant to the provisions of this chapter.

Acts 1974, No. 553, 1.

• Spectators at a boxing match may not mock one of the contestants.

Full text of the Law

RS 4:81

81. Open betting or quoting of odds; insulting or abusive remarks

There shall be no open betting or quoting of odds in the club or arena where the exhibition or contest is being held. Whoever does so shall be ejected.

There shall be no insulting or abusive remarks made by seconds, managers, or spectators and directed at the contestants. The officers of the club, and the secretary of the commission, shall at once eject persons who violate this or any other provision of this chapter.

Acts 1974, No. 553, 1.

• One could possibly land in jail for 20 years upon urinating in the city’s water supply.

Full text of the Law RS 14:58

58. Contaminating water supplies

Contaminating water supplies is the intentional performance of any act tending to contaminate any private or public water supply.

Whoever commits the crime of contaminating water supplies, when the act foreseeably endangers the life or health of human beings, shall be fined not more than one thousand dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than twenty years, or both.

Whoever commits the crime of contaminating water supplies, when the act does not foreseeably endanger the life or health of human beings, shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned, with or without hard labor, for not more than five years, or both.

A law was passed with the specific intent of stating the punishment for stealing crawfish.

Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.

• It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.

Full Text of the Law

RS 14:68.6

68.6. Unauthorized ordering of goods or services

A. It is unlawful for any person to intentionally place an order for any goods or services to be supplied or delivered to another person when all of the following circumstances apply:

(1) The person receiving the goods or services has not previously authorized such an order, does not reside with the person who placed the order, and the goods or services are not being given as a gift to that person.

(2) The person receiving the goods or services is required to pay for such goods or services, either in advance or upon delivery and has not previously agreed to do so, or is required to return the items to the sender at his expense.

(3) The person placing the order for goods or services intends to harass or annoy the person receiving such goods or services.

B. Receipt and use of an item described in this Section by the receiver shall constitute an affirmative defense to prosecution under this Section.

C. If the person who places the order for the goods or services is told by the customer who receives the goods or services that the customer did not desire the goods or services, the customer is released from any obligation to pay for such goods or services and the providing person shall not be liable under this Section.

D. Whoever violates Subsection A shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars, or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.

E. In addition to any other sentence imposed under this Section, the sentencing court, in its discretion, may require the offender to make restitution to the victim for any loss to the victim caused by the offense.

Acts 1999, No. 1060, 1.

• Running an abortion advertisement can land you in jail for a year.
• It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.
• It is illegal to gargle in public places.
• It is illegal to shoot lasers at police officers.
• One may not “dare” another to go onto railroad tracks owned by another.
• It is illegal to steal a “movable” even if it classified as an “immovable”.
• Rituals that involve the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter are not allowed.
• One could land in jail for up to a year for making a false promise.
• Every time a person is seriously burned, he must report the injury to the fire marshal.
• Prisoners who hurt themselves could serve an additional two years in jail.

Full text of the Law

RS 14:404

Self-mutilation by a prisoner

A. Self-mutilation by a prisoner is the intentional infliction of injuries to himself by a prisoner incarcerated in any state penitentiary or any local penal or correctional institution or while in the lawful custody of a peace officer, or the procuring or permitting of another person to inflict injury on such prisoner by means of shooting, stabbing, cutting, applying chemicals or other substances to the body, drinking or eating poisonous or toxic substances, or in any manner, when such results in permanent or temporary injury.

B. Whoever commits the crime of self-mutilation by a prisoner shall be imprisoned at hard labor for a term not exceeding two years. Any sentence imposed under this Section shall run consecutively to any other sentence being served by the offender at the time of the offense.

Added by Acts 1966, No. 85, 1. Amended by Acts 1977, No. 456, 1; Acts 1997, No. 179, 1.

Sheriff: know any stupid laws that I missed from your state? Let me know – expose stupidity for what it is – STUPID!

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Sheriff: Happy Friday – really, TGIF not S.H.I.T.  – Getting closer to halloween – dont forget to stop by stupid discounts to find the best discounts on everything you need, including costumes and more for your trick-or-treat or halloween party.

Today Stupid Patrol hopes to give you with a few short “And then the fight started” jokes – or stories as they are. Some I am not too clear on as far as why it would start a fight (A toothbrush would work!) but my wife didn’t seem to think it was funny. Jeez I might be smart – but sometimes I just can’t figure women out. Aaaaanyway….here’s hoping you get a good laugh out of it, and remember, don’t forget to remend your friends, enemies, families – everybody visit the Stupid Patrol daily.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

**************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her new bath scales.

And then the fight started…

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive….

so, I took her to a gas station…

And then the fight started….

**************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady, swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

**************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started…

**************

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf

Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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Sheriff: Hellllllo and Happy October! Today we discover the great joke “Sisters of Mercy” here’s hoping you get a good laugh out of it, yep stupid joke as always! Don’t forget to remend your friends, enemies, families – everybody visit the Stupid Patrol daily!

Sisters of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 5 MILES

He realizes that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF MERCY

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”

He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.”

“Very well, my son. Please follow me.”

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.” He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, “Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.”

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.

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Tufts University spokeswoman Kim Thurler said officials added the rule to the 2009-10 guest policy after receiving about a dozen complaints from students “who expressed concerns that they were experiencing uncomfortable situations with their roommates’ sex-tracurricular activities,” The Boston Herald reported Tuesday. “We really didn’t have anything concrete in place for (them) to set clear boundaries,” she said.

The policy informs students in dormitories that they “may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is
present in the room.” Thurler said the policy does not state any penalties for a violation, but she said officials hope the rule will “empower” students to “bring that issue up” if they have a problem with their roommate’s sexual activities.

Sheriff: What the heck is this world coming to! JEEEEZ roomie – leave the room, put a pillow over your head, or maybe get inspired! On second thought – hmmm the sheriff has only daughters! This WILL be their college!

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